Dream
by terra hotaru
Summary: He wanted the worse possible to befall him... Little did he know that he was slowly being taken away by his dreams... Yaoi. AkuRoku. Smut. Lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**Dream**

He floated on top of the vast water, calm, still, weightless. His gorgeous cerulean eyes opened wide, staring at the emptiness of the sky. His breath came out slow and steady. The body on the water didn't make a single move, simply floating, following the directions of the water reflecting the color of the sky.

The wind blew gently, washing over his dampened shirt and his wet body. The lake was empty, not a single soul was there. It was right then that he heard the rustling of the bushes. He stayed deadly still, ignoring the noise, closing his eyes. He wished the water would take him away, somewhere far away where he wouldn't need to face the reality of the world. He wished for the water to swallow him whole. He wished for every horrible, unimaginable nightmare to take fold right in front of him. He wanted death. He wanted to drown.

Fear overwhelmed his senses, so much so that he couldn't fulfill his death wishes by himself. He wanted to die, yet at the same time, he didn't want to, didn't dare to.

He wanted to be taken somewhere… far away…

He fell asleep on the water soon after.

-xoxo-

When he woke up, the first thing that he registered into his mind was darkness and horrible, rotten stink, absorbed by his nose. He chocked, having the urge to regurgitate everything in his digestive system. He held his breath, but to no avail, the smell was so disgusting. He looked around, but everything was dark.

And soon, he realized that he was not floating on the water anymore. He was sitting in the darkness, darkness so great that he couldn't see himself. He listened in, trying to be as quiet as he could. He could hear his own pounding heartbeat, telling him to run away… telling him that it was not safe there. Adrenaline rushed to his whole being. Run? Run where? He couldn't see anything. And all of a sudden, he felt a swoosh of wind blowing through his bare neck. He shuddered, eyes growing wide.

"Wh-where am I?" he wondered to himself. His shaky voice echoed.

Slowly, he stood up to his feet. "Is anybody there?" he wondered again, but the reply he got was his own voice. "Please! Where am I?" he queried, becoming more and more afraid.

Suddenly, the rotten stench wasn't as unpleasant anymore.

He ran to a random direction, hoping to find something. Was he dead? Swallowed by the water? Was he in hell? Where was he? If he was dead…

"Axel… are you there?" he asked. If he was dead… then that meant that he would meet Axel. He panted, labored breathing coming out from his mouth, taking in as much oxygen as he could. Then, he continued running, hoping to be reunited with his beloved again. But there was no one, only himself. Was this God's way of playing with him? Of breaking his heart more? Scaring him into insanity?

He lost Axel more than a month ago, and since then, he had sought for many ways to be reunited with his lover. But every time…. Every time he was close to reaching that goal of his, something interrupted him. Whether he was saved by his family, saved by himself, or he was simply too cowardly to do anything. It was as if somebody prevented him from going to the afterworld.

He didn't remember drowning… was he dead?

"Roxas…" came the voice.

"Axel?" he could recognize the voice from anywhere. That was Axel's voice, sweet, deep, gentle. How he missed the way his name was called. How he missed feeling needed, feeling cherished… how he missed everything… his voice, his touch… "Axel! Where are you?" he asked, desperate.

"Go home, Roxas. This is not the place where you…"

"Bullshit, Axel! Come home with me, please! I need you! I can't live without you!" he shouted miserably, trying to find the source of the voice.

_Go Home…_

-xoxo-

He jolted awake, gasping, his head popped out of the water soon, and he choked, spitting the water he swallowed out of his system. He kept coughing, struggling for breath. He looked around, swimming. He was still there, in the water.

"Hey! Are you okay?" a voice asked.

It didn't take him long to find out that he had been dreaming and that he had fallen asleep and lost control of his limbs. He didn't answer the girl that queried for his well-being. He swam out of the water and walked away, feeling the water weighting him down with every single step he took on the sand.

He was alive… and that was the last thing he wanted in his live.

-xoxo-

"Roxas, you're finally home," Naminé greeted with a warm smile. "Where did you go? I've been looking everywhere for you," she said, worry apparent in her voice. "You're wet, Roxas. Where did you go?" she demanded. "You didn't…" she sighed. It broke her heart to know that her son had gone through another suicide attempt. "You were supposed to go and meet your therapist today, Roxas," she ran inside to grab a dry towel for her son.

Roxas was silent, walking inside without saying anything. Through his way home, his clothes had dried up, plastered against his skin. He dreamt of Axel again… but this time, it was different. He had actually communicated with the Axel in his dream… but this time, it was dark and he wasn't able to locate him. Last time, he dreamt about chasing Axel, in a room filled with blinding light. But his legs gave up on him and there was nothing he could do. He was too far away and Axel was going too fast. All he could do was watch as the man with redhair disappeared.

Naminé dried her son with the towel. "Roxas… what is happening to you…?" she asked, desperate. Roxas was her only son… and if only she knew… if only she knew that Roxas would become like this after the departure of that son of a bastard… she would take back all those horrible words that came out of her lips if she could… she would reverse everything if she could… but it was too late now. That son of a bitch was gone and now, he was taking away her son with him. "Roxas… please speak to me…" she said.

Roxas looked at the woman with a pair of lifeless eyes. "I want Axel back…" he whispered. "I want Axel… Give him back…" he muttered.

"I can't, Roxas. He's dead. Don't you understand!"

"Give him back…" he choked, blinking his stinging eyes.

He knew… it was that woman standing in front of him whom he should blame. It was all because of her… because of his mother. Axel's death…

He should have died too…

"I-I can't…" she said.

"Bring him back…" Roxas demanded.

Naminé shook her head and slapped Roxas hard in the face. "You would have died with him too if I didn't save you, Roxas!"

"That was the whole purpose, mom! We intended to die. _Together_!" he yelled. "I was supposed to die with him… Why? Why did you save me? Just let me die."

"You're my only son, Roxas… I won't let you go like that."

-xoxo-

He remembered being taken away from his house. He remembered struggling, kicking, and screaming. But it was all blurred out and the next thing he knew, he was there, in the white, wide room, tied down to the bed by measly belts. He couldn't move, his limbs were tied down and whoever tied him down didn't intend for him to escape. He heard noises from outside. He heard people, talking, whispering. And as he looked over, he saw his mother, talking to the doctor.

He was not insane… He was not sick… He had just… given up.

-xoxo-

_He panted, but he kept running, smiling, laughing. His hand was held securely and he felt safe. He looked over and he saw him. _

"_Keep running, Rox. Don't wanna be caught~" the redhead grinned, saying in a singsong. _

"_I know!" the blond laughed, lacing his fingers tightly around Axel's. _

"_Over here!" the redhead dragged him along, turning to a hidden alleyway, hiding there. _

_The smaller one slid down against the wall, panting, coughing. "Did we lose them?"_

_Axel looked out. "I think we did. Great job, partner." He chuckled. _

"_You're a monster, Axel." Roxas laughed, noticing that Axel didn't look tired even after all the running. _

"_You just need more exercised." Axel immediately caught on, smiling, stroking the blond's hair lovingly. The both looked into each other's eyes and the redhead sat down beside the blond, cupping the Roxas' cheek gently, ghosting his fingertips against the smooth cheek of the blond. There was a smile on his lips, a true loving and genuine smile. His hand snaked around the other neck, pulling the smaller one close. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against the blond's, demandingly, possessively. _

_The smaller on pressed back, kissing passionately, eyes closed, melting into the kiss. His stomach churned from pleasure. He loved the feeling. His heart beat faster, the kiss sending electricity jolts to his entire body, making every manly part of him come to life. He took in a sharp breath, parting his lips, moaning into the kiss as he felt his tongue being tugged into the other's mouth. He felt around the moist cavern there, tasting the delicate taste that belonged to his one and only Axel. He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around the body bigger than his, running his fingers through the red mane. He moved his head sideways for a deeper kiss. _

_He pulled away a while later, desperate for breath. His face was flushed and he felt hot all over his body. He was grateful that he wore baggy pants that day, which perfectly concealed the arousal that was burning and throbbing underneath. Axel wasn't as lucky, having chosen to wear tight pants. _

_Roxas chuckled when his eyes met Axel's groin, seeing the sweet arousal of Axel's sex. He looked up and smiled at the man. "You're hard…" he chuckled, saying the obvious. _

_Axel grinned. "Don't tell me you're not," he reached over and squeezed Roxas' arousal. _

_Roxas moaned, taking in a sharp breath, pants getting a little wet. "Stop that," he said, playfully slapping Axel's hand away. _

"_Feisty," the redhead grinned._

"_I love you, Axel."_

"_Not as much as I love you. I want to take you. Here and now."_

"_In this stinking alleyway? No thanks, Mister."_

"_So it's okay if it's somewhere more comfortable?"_

"_I'll think about it then." _

_Roxas smiled, watching the redhead. He loved him so much. Slowly, he reached over and unzipped the zippers of the redhead's jeans. He grinned when he found out that his boyfriend decided to not wear any boxers or briefs that day as the redhead's rock hard arousal sprang out from the opening of the jeans. _

_He grabbed Axel's length, brushing his thumb against the leaking tip, licking his tip when he heard the excited moan of the other. Leaning down sideway, he brought his lips close to Axel's cock. His tongue darted out to lick the smooth tip, licking up the precum, tasting Axel in his mouth. He always enjoyed Axel's taste, a little bitter, a little sweet… he couldn't decide. _

_Axel threw his head back. "Shit… Roxas…" he grunted. _

_Roxas smirked, taking the tip into his mouth while pumping the shaft. He skillfully used his tongue, wanting Axel to explode inside him, fast and quick. Rolling the length around in his mouth, he reaches down, letting Axel's scrotum out. He played with the two balls, massaging lovingly and he began sucking, making little slurping noises. _

_Axel watched as the blond head bobbed up and down on his lap. He took in a deep breath, holding himself from cumming. He tensed a while later and came into the blond's mouth, panting. _

-xoxo-

He missed Axel… he missed him so… he didn't want to be separated… it was all because of his mom. He closed his eyes, slowly falling into the beginning of his deep slumber.

-xoxo-

_Surrender._

A voice said, piercing into his skull. He jumped up with a groan, holding his head, feeling pain searing through his brain, pounding through his head.

_Surrender your soul and we'll make a deal_.

"A deal?"

_To gain what you wanted most. _

"What I…" he panted, trying to ignore the severe headache he was suffering.

_You know very well what I am talking about. Come to me… Seek me out…_

The voice was gone, along with the headache. He took in a sharp breath. Who was that? Where was he? "To gain… what I wanted most…" he repeated, mumbling under his breath. "Axel…" he murmured.

He looked ahead and around, finding himself in a strange, makeshift world. The silhouettes of far away mountains and the redness of the sky gave birth to the feeling that it was Halloween all over again. He walked forward, moving without knowing it, letting his legs take him to wherever he needed to go.

-xoxo-

I haven't been writing in a… long while. Uhmmm… yeah… I dunno. This should be a multi chaptered, right? Well, we'll see how this is received. I don't think this is perfect at all. This is most certainly filled with flaws. So, please forgive the mistakes. And let me know what you think. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dream**

**Chapter 2**

He strode forward carefully, heart rate pacing up with every step he took. As he looked underneath, he saw roses and grasses blooming instantly around the soles of his shoes. He released a soft breath, looking around desperately, hoping to spot a familiar face, hoping to see Axel. His heart was racing, hoping that he wouldn't do anything to ruin another chance of meeting Axel. But there was no living being there except for him. Trees and grasses grew; clouds were floating away in a rate faster than usual. The sky grew brighter and brighter. And there, he saw, the silhouette of that beloved to him. He ran after the silhouette, as fast as his short legs could go. He stumbled, falling face flat on the ground, feeling the dirt on his face, and he panted.

But he quickly stood up and ran again, towards the direction of that familiar illusion with beautiful red mane, ignoring the pain in his knees and elbows. "Axel!" he called out, hoping that the redhead would notice him, hoping that they would eventually be reunited. He didn't give up; no matter how many times his hopes came crashing down on him in his dreams. No… not again…

"Axel! Please!" he kept running… and running, taking a mad dash towards his deceased lover. Axel turned to look at him, expression unreadable. But then, instead of walking towards him, the redhead turned, walking away from him, disappearing into the brightness of the light. Roxas kept chasing, not giving up, not even when his legs gave out on him, not even when he was running out of breath.

He stumbled again, eating the dirt underneath him, spitting it out. Taking in a shaky breath as he saw the figure disappeared in front of him. Again… he had failed… All because of his cowardice… _Are you… are you mad at me, Axel…? For letting you die by yourself?_ "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" he mumbled under his breath.

_Go deeper… deeper inside… you'll find him. Follow him._

The voice pierced into his skull yet again and he hissed as he fell down, knees drawn up to his chest, curling to himself, holding his pounding head. He took in a raspy breath, wishing the pain away. "Stop talking to me!" he said, feeling excruciating pain trickling down his spine from the migraine formed in his head. Then, the voice was gone and so was the headache.

He stood up, stumbling a bit on his foot, unable to hold his own weight. When he was finally able to steady himself out, he heard the giggles of children. As he looked up ahead, he saw the figures of two transparent little boys running ahead to the forest like area. The figures disappeared. Then, he felt a cold chill easing up to his spine, to the back of his neck, and he shuddered, suddenly overwhelmed with fear, feeling cautious. Where was he? Was it another one of his dream…? He took in a shaky breath and pressed forward, trying to prevent anymore questions from being uttered by his mind. Questions that he had no answer to, but would only serve to trouble him more.

-xoxo-

He hugged himself, feeling the temperature dropping lower and lower as he entered the forest, feeling the weights of his legs dragging him down with every step he took. Turn back. Go away… was what his body was telling him. But he wouldn't listen. Not now. Not when he was about to meet with Axel again. Somebody—maybe it was Axel—was giving him a second chance… he willed himself, determined not to become a coward again. He would go after Axel this time, without running away, without letting anything to interrupt him.

He panted, feeling tired, breath raspy. Then, he heard the same giggles again. He lifted his head, looking around, watching the same little boys running around the trees directly in front of him. The little boys disappeared from sight almost instantly when Roxas decided to go near them. Then he turned to find the boys holding hands, standing by the rivers, looking down.

The two lifted their heads, turned to look into each other's eyes with a smile. Then, they looked over their shoulders, looking straight into Roxas' pair of cerulean eyes. Their smile slowly crept into a creepy grin, the corner of their mouths leveled with the bottom of their noses. The blond gasped and took a step back and the next thing he knew, the two boys were gone.

He was left all alone, with an eerie feeling, stomach churning from fear.

-xoxo-

Axel was a happy man with a loving fiancée. He had a great full time job as an accountant, and even though he still lived with his parents, at age 22, he was rather lucky to have a full time job, with only an associate degree at hand. He was planning on moving out soon, away from his parents and family, finally becoming independent. He planned on having his fiancée move in with him so that they would lead a happy life together. At some point, he was also planning on a romantic proposal.

Somehow, even though he was successful and happy… he felt as if something was missing from his life. Something vital was missing… and he could feel that whatever it was took something important away from him—as if a part of his life was missing. But of course… there was nothing he could do. His memory was lost and even though several months had passed, he still couldn't retrieve them.

He woke up in the hospital and the next thing he knew, he had a perfect life laid down in front of him. He was told by his parents that he had a loving fiancé named Kairi. He was the son of CEOs, managing a successful company. And soon, he would take over their titles, once he gained enough experience. Moreover, his fiancée was the daughter of said successful company, the Kingdom Hearts Company, who not only had a blooming business, but also managed a non-profit organization, helping sickly people who needed organ donations.

His family told him that whatever part of his life he was missing from his brain was not important. Kairi even told him that what was important was now. His life with her. And he fully believed them. What more could a man ask for? He was blessed, definitely blessed. He went to work every day, feeling fulfilled. However, deep inside, he couldn't deny that part of him that wanted to know what happened in the past. What led to the event of his memory loss? What happened before he lost his memory? He was alive and well with minor injuries. Something must have happened—something that his family made sure to hide from him.

Hidden underneath all those perfectness and happy life, the man always woke up in the middle of the night, bathed in cold sweat, and terrorized with the fear resulting with his pounding heart, with no one there to comfort him. His bed was empty and he felt cold and lonely. No one was there to support him. He told Kairi of his problems once, of his dreams… but Kairi dismissed it, saying that it was only a dream which probably meant nothing. And he believed her. Her smile was so sweet when she said that that it broke his heart to say otherwise.

He fought with himself every night. And every night, he dreamt of the same dream with the same person in it. All he remembered was the silhouette of a blond. However, mysteriously, there was no desire inside him which urged him to chase after the blond. He always felt disinterested and even though it was his dream, he had no control of it. He was curious, he wanted to know. He wanted to ask the blond so many questions… countless, in fact. What happened? Who was he? Why was he there? Why was he in his dream…? Whose dream was that? But every single time, he couldn't get his feet to move, as if he was missing the control over his limb… he was missing something… something very important…

And he knew that the answer lied deep inside him… inside his lost memory.

But did he want to know…? Find out and possibly ruin his perfect life…?

-xoxo-

It was already dark. Roxas felt cold and lonely. Even though previously, he knew that there was no living being except him, now, he could hear the small cooing noises of the owls and the howl of the wolves. They did not mix very well. He did not like the sounds. He lied down, curled up against himself, tired from his journey. He was never athletic to begin with. He always got tired easily, even from just a little jog. That was why Axel always made fun of him, but in that loving way.

He should have trained himself to be more athletic… that way, he wouldn't have had such trouble and wouldn't have to spend so much time to look for Axel. He was a failure. He felt useless. He was weak, never strong like Axel. He always ran away from his problems. He had disappointed everybody. He disappointed his mother by being gay, he disappointed Axel because he was a coward. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled, as if his apologies would wipe away every wrong that he had done in his life. He sighed. He knew that there was no use in blaming himself, but he couldn't help it.

He shifted, feeling uncomfortable with lying on the sandy, hard ground. He could feel his bones crackling underneath him. He was thoroughly tired and exhausted and numbed. It didn't help any that he had to sleep on the ground that night. He missed the comfort of his bed, the fluffiness of his pillow… he missed the warmth of his blanket… of Axel…

How pathetic.

Slowly, he fell deep into sleep…

Before he was thoroughly swallowed by the temptation of sleep, he questioned himself… if he was truly dreaming… would he be able to sleep in his dream? The next time he woke up… where would he find himself? On the bed, in the ugly white room which would drive him insane? On there, the hard ground where he lay upon? In the past, where he was happiest?

-xoxo-

"_Hey! Wake up, lazy bum!" a voice chirped. _

_Roxas shifted in his sleep. He knew that he hadn't fallen asleep for a long time. Ten minutes… twenty at best. He didn't want to wake up now… he always had difficulty falling asleep at night. In his mind, he swore to himself that he would severely injure the bastard who wanted him to wake up in the middle of the night. _

"_C'mon now~" the voice teased. _

_Roxas could feel the smile and grin in the voice. He took in a sharp breath when whoever it was started to lean down, breathing against his ear. He could feel moist, hot tongue darting out, lapping around, playing with his neck and ear, and he shuddered. _

"_Axel…" he groaned, not one of pleasure, but one of annoyance. He was tired and he also felt a little bit sick and light headed and he had an exam in the morning. _

_Axel pulled back, finding the his boyfriend's irritation to be cute. "C'mon, Rox. We have a date tonight," he persuaded. _

"_Alright alright, fine." The sleepy blond sat up, eyes half closed, looking at Axel with narrowed eyes. He sighed. "Axel… it's in the middle of the night. What are you doing here?" the blond yawned, asking out of curiosity, having to intention to tell his boyfriend to get the fuck off his property. He turned at the redhead and opened his arms, holding them out, wanting to hug Axel. _

_Axel took the cue instantly, smiling, walking into the blond's embrace. "You forgot? I got a ticket to Lady Gaga's concert. You said you love her, right?" the redhead grinned, rubbing the smaller one's back soothingly with his large hand. He buried his face into the blond's hair, inhaling the sweet scent that belonged to his only Roxas, honey, vanilla, and sweet cinnamon. _

"_Oh yeah… I forgot…" the blond yawned again. He had truly forgotten about the date, having stayed up all night doing his essay and reports. "Sorry… I'll go and get changed," he said half-heartedly. The only thing he really wanted was sleep. He was about to get out of his bed, but was pulled back by Axel. _

"_No. It's fine. Go back to sleep, angel," Axel said, smiling lovingly. "You're tired."_

"_But the ticket…"_

"_It's fine," he grinned. "I can probably sell it off to someone who's looking for a last minute ticket for a higher price." _

"_But… I mean… you can go alone." _

"_Won't be fun without you, babe." _

_Roxas didn't feel like he wanted to go, so he turned down the date, feeling horrible. Axel only smiled, saying that it was no problem, spending the rest of the night beside his blond, holding the smaller one close. _

_Axel watched the blond with predatory eyes, looking away quickly when he felt blood shooting up to his arousal. His blond had beautiful curves at all the right place. Not feminine, yet not too macho for his tastes. His hands rubbing the small back lovingly, tenderly. Roxas' lean neck was so kissable… those plump butt was so squeezable. It took everything inside Axel to hold himself from molesting his blond. _

_And so, Roxas fell asleep peacefully in the strong and secure arms that belonged to Axel. He felt comfortable and safe, content. _

_Sadly, the next morning when he woke up, Axel was gone. He understood… nobody should know of their relationship. The window was left open, enough to let air in so that Roxas wouldn't get too hot when he woke up. Axel knew that his blond hated it when it was hot. _

-xoxo-

Now, thinking back… Roxas knew that he didn't do enough for his boyfriend… for his lover. He should have gone with Axel to the concert instead of being a stuck up brat who prioritized his rest. He should have gone and have fun with Axel instead of forcing Axel to spend the night with him.

He never deserved Axel. Axel was too good for him—too gentle, too kind, too caring…

He was lucky that he found Axel.

It was unfortunate for Axel to have found him…

Now, with Axel's death, it was too late to change anything…

-xoxo-

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you everyone for reading! You are all awesome! :) Thanks for the support!


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